Published January 1, 2012
By Bridget Quinlivan
Every culture has its own
way of dealing with a death.
Victorian-Era Americans in Quincy were no different. The
Victorian Era covered the period during Queen Victoria’s reign, roughly
1837-1900. Her Majesty’s influence was felt far and wide, even across the ocean
in America. This influence included the proper way to mourn.
These rules applied mostly to women because men could not be
expected to take time away from their busy lives to mourn. Men’s mourning dress
consisted of the same grey or black suits they wore every day. They could add a
black armband from one to three months if they so chose. Moreover, men could
prove their worth by being able to remarry quickly after losing their
wives.
Women’s mourning dress
On the other hand, women’s rituals involved more elaborate
dress for longer periods of time. Depending on a woman’s relation to the
deceased and her socioeconomic status, mourning could be more or less
intricate. For example, women mourned their parents for around three months.
They mourned a cousin or distant relative from two to six weeks. However, wives
mourned husbands for up to two years.
A woman divided these two years into periods of deep or total
mourning and light or half mourning. Traditionally, deep mourning lasted for
one year and one day. Many women stayed in a state of total mourning for their
entire lives, though they did rejoin society.
Women’s mourning clothes were black from head to toe. Some
think this comes from the tradition of the Romans wearing black togas in times
of mourning. The color black also represented the absence of light and life.
Victorian mourning dress became known as “widow’s weeds” because the material
used for the veil would tatter and begin smelling like rotting weeds.
Class differences in apparel
For middle and upper class women, it was important to wear a
black bonnet made from crepe, silk, or cotton. The bonnet had a “weeping veil”
attached to it. The veil could be as long as the woman wanted; veil length
ranged from shoulder length to the bottom of the lady’s dress. A woman could
include black accessories like gloves, shawls, or mitts. Jet jewelry and
buttons finished the look, although most women did not wear any jewelry during
deep mourning.
Lower class women had fewer choices when they had to mourn.
They wore a simple black cotton or wool dress. They attached a crepe veil to
their hair with a small headpiece or bonnet. They usually wore the same dress
for every occasion of mourning, unlike the upper class women who had a
different mourning dress for every instance.
Every class used hair as an accessory. Hair jewelry and hair
wreaths became very popular during the Victorian Era. The Historical Society of
Quincy and Adams County has two such hair wreaths on display in the History
Museum. A woman could custom order mourning jewelry from a jeweler. A popular
item with the wealthy was a hair brooch set in gold.
Social expectations
Aside from her personal dress, a woman had certain social
expectations when dealing with a death. Within 24 hours she was expected to
cancel all social activities. Callers could come to the house but were most
often received by other family members, typically male relatives. Women could see
servants daily, as the household needed running. The servants were also
expected to enter mourning for their employer and stay in mourning for as long
as the family mourned. Again, men did not have such restrictions because they
had to go to work and conduct business out in the public sphere.
While in deep mourning women
had to avoid public meetings, frivolous shopping trips, and teas or
parties. Victorians considered it bad luck for a woman in widow’s weeds to
attend a wedding. If she absolutely had to attend, she could either set them
aside for the ceremony or attend in “absentia.” For instance, Queen Victoria
attended her son’s wedding in deep mourning but sat apart from everyone and she
did not attend the reception.
Public signs of mourning
Custom required that even the home display appropriate signs
of mourning. The windows and mirrors of the house were covered with crepe. They
thought this prevented the soul of the deceased from being trapped. It also
showed that members of the household were not concerned with personal vanity
during their time of mourning.
As a signal to neighbors, black wreaths of silk and wax
flowers were hung on the front door and mantles. The Historical Society
continues to honor this tradition at times, recently using black crepe draping
on its front doors and fences upon the death of its executive director.
If the deceased was a resident of the house, the body would
be laid out in the parlor or bedroom. The family kept a vigil 24 hours a day
for one to four days. This “waking,” or wake, allowed the family to show
respect for the dead. The wake also helped ensure that the person was actually
dead, since premature burial did happen. A funeral or burial service followed
the vigil. A person only attended a funeral if invited, but once invited one
was expected to attend.
Park-like cemeteries
Victorian cemeteries took on a particular look and feel.
Public cemeteries became more popular because churchyards were becoming
overcrowded and unsanitary. People placed their cemeteries in the countryside
at first just to keep them away from the city.
Over time, they decided that the pastoral setting created a
relaxing atmosphere in which they could mourn. So, they began to plan
cemeteries like parks, complete with benches, walkways, and gardens.
Quincy’s Woodland Cemetery, begun in 1846, provides a perfect
example of a Victorian cemetery. Descendants of families like John Wood’s and
Orville and Eliza Browning’s are buried along walkways in Woodland.
Light mourning transition
After deep mourning, a woman could “come out” to light or
half mourning. During this period, women could set aside their weeping veil and
add trims and jewelry to their wardrobe.
Over several months they could gradually move from darker shades
of grey and violet into lighter shades of grey and lavender. Eventually, they
could use other colors and abandon mourning dress altogether.
Furthermore, during light mourning women could return social
calls, attend church functions and visit relatives. Widows were expected to
travel with a female chaperone. During the Civil War, many of these societal
rules were relaxed because women’s activities outside the home, like the Needle
Pickets, were seen as charity work and not as frivolous socializing.
While not all mourning traditions survive in the 21st
century, many of the modern customs find their roots in the Victorian era.
Bridget Quinlivan is a recent history graduate from Quincy
University and Western Illinois University. She is a volunteer and seasonal
employee at the Historical Society and an English/writing specialist for
Student Support Services at John Wood Community College.
Sources
Mehaffey, Karen Rae. The After-Life, Mourning
Rituals and the Mid-Victorians. Laser Writers Publishing, 1993.
Winkelmann, Judith. “Mourning, Majesty, and
Mary Lincoln.” Quincy, IL: Historical Society of Quincy and Adams County,
August 1997.
